


my condolences

by Wordlesslywriting



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Age Swap, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Galaxy Garrison, Hanahaki Disease, Minor Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordlesslywriting/pseuds/Wordlesslywriting
Summary: It had been a rather fragile existence when the petals started to show up.
Relationships: Keith/Pidge | Katie Holt
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37
Collections: VLD Hanahaki Bang





	my condolences

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to thank dawnat from discord for being picking my summary and being my partner in this bang. Your art was such a lovely and very inspiring piece that helped me when I was in a writing block. I wish you the best! 
> 
> As well, a thousand thank-yous to the mods for creating this event. It was so much fun!
> 
> Finally, to all readers for giving this story a chance thank-you!!

He couldn’t exactly recall when it first started. Or when it became a staple in his life.

It hadn’t been like he had a terrible memory either, but when his days went out like a slow creek with few variables changing between seasons, it made sense why he didn’t bother remembering when his skin felt like rubber. Sure, the climate had been harsh with few winds coming to the rescue, but he had been ushered into an era that did at least give Keith ample time to find zones where he could momentarily loosen his cuffs. To push back his bangs and smell the rocky terrain without others mocking him for his perception of becoming closer in tune with the wildness in nature.

These sentiments and normality of their occurrence made him well aware how often he was different from his peers. His own self-isolation had once been a reason that explained why he never did enjoy his schooling, as it forced him into strain interactions with others. He heard the rumors they placed on him when he didn't eagerly smile along with them, had seen how his own grades and personality had ventured into certain areas that his classmates wouldn’t bother to accept. But what changed for the better had been when his dad gave him an option to expand his horizon. It just so happened to land on space exploration.

Yeah. Space. The preferable frontier since the ocean hadn’t ever appealed to him the same way it did to his old neighbors before he moved away from the suburbs. The countryside had been rather poignant memory from before when he didn’t understand why he had been separated by the wall that his dad made when he broached the image of his motherless life. It had started out with a melancholic fascination, then to a genuine interest to study after he learned that the subject that had connected his parents.

That sentimental branch had been the beginning of his future. 

His dad never confirmed to why he had a connection with the stars; not that it stopped Keith from being able to recognize that when there had been a lightness from within his eyes, and when he brushed his hands absentmindedly when he told stories of his adventures of looking up and counting them, there had been something there. A memory that had been preserved tightly onto his soul that Keith knew he would never be able to approach in the same intensity as his father; because sometimes life was packaged into a seldom scene of punctured shards of glass. 

Even if it had been laced with a cryptic sadness that had never wavered since the earliest glances that he caught from his father Keith’s future still had been moved.

It had forever changed him as he made his choice when his palm touched the glass window where the moon was held high up in the sky with the stars glowing brightly near it. It hadn’t mattered if he had been eight or fifteen, Keith had enjoyed the motion of stargazing. It had been a soothing trade off when he was alone with his thoughts and away from most of his peers. 

That had been why the Garrison, for all its annoyances, had been a perfect place for him to learn. Not that he could escape the way he had been going on and off his script. With his classmates coming along with their cliches and Keith was going off his little corner. 

His old school and the Garrison shared the same practices when it came to dealing with his personality. What with him hearing the same grievances like him being too antisocial, too strange or too angry when his patience evaporated. Nobody could be satisfied with him no matter what he did.

His dad had told him that the universe had been created with a lot of mysteries. 

And while he agreed with that it seemed like nobody could understand that too; and Keith could only think of it was his luck that he would have to suffer in being entirely too abnormal to function with the rest of his school. He could only be happy that the talks of space had blanketed most his alienation. 

If only for a little bit. 

When he had the last garment of his uniform on, Keith had to remind himself that he couldn't be late. He may not have his dad around, but he had been taught to listen and follow most of the rules that couldn’t be ignored. He had reached to button the last spot of his jacket as he looked at his reflection. Nothing could be done for his hair, but he had pushed back some strands anyways to make an effort. With one last sigh, he had walked off and grabbed his bag.

As he walked to his class he didn’t pay attention to the rest of the body of people looking lost or finding their friends. Freshly admitted Keith didn’t want to waste his time on making any friends. They hadn’t helped him in the past, and now with the first day jitters mostly keeping him occupied, Keith had instead invested on memorizing his schedule and bringing all his materials that he would need now. When everything would be done, Keith would settle back to his dorm.

As he took his seat, he hadn’t bothered to listen to the speech he heard at the beginning of every year. New beginnings. New friends. And the course the ever dull syllabus.

It had been funny how slow it took him to see an occurring student that somewhat peaked his interest. Keith had finished three classes and had brunch when he had noticed one girl, with brunette hair that had been light and pulled into a long ponytail. Her eyes were the same, bright and full of life that he could understand. She had an air that was both snarky and aloof. Neither of them had talked to each other directly, but by brunch she had made it clear that she didn’t care for the cliches either. She wasn’t a lone wolf like himself, but she had an air that meant that they got along perfectly.

They didn’t share their names with each other, or what brought them to the Garrison right away. Brunch for them, had existed as a means of slowing down and relaxing their minds before they had to head back inside the classrooms.

Which worked out for Keith when he had listened to her in class. It had been nice to know that she had almost the same ideals of him when they got paired up for an ice breaker. Her jokes worked with his. An easy kind of company that didn’t seem forced. Or that could make him break into a sweat when they worked together. Obviously, she had the knack of computers while he helped her out in more the practical materials, but it still have been going pretty well.

They had a type of social cues that had made it accessible when Keith dropped by the library or when she found him in the secluded hallways.

He didn’t know yet, but when Keith had met Katie Holt, his life would never be the same. Because when she had made him laugh, when they had found a rhythm of working between homework or talking about their hobbies something had clicked. A totally bright and heavy creation of happiness that spread throughout his body.

Keith had been minding his business. Watching the clouds roam around the sky when the view presented itself as he felt the heat of the air tickle his neck and face as he saw through the open windows. It had been a slow day with a schedule that allowed for him to mend his own thoughts while watching how his own feet wandered around the halls without a real destination in mind.

Usually, Keith wouldn’t have wasted any of his time like that, but for awhile now he had been feeling so neglected and yet, fulfilled in another direction. As if he had been ripped away from his yesterdays where they had once been easier to manage. Something so uniquely innocent that could only come from his youth had been given away the second he had met Katie Holt. It had a way of swirling in a direction that kept him on his toes when he felt the ache brew hotter as it molded itself into his daily life as he had been going through a new change within himself. It had reached the point where he was wasting his blood, his thoughts and now recently his sanity. 

But it had been impossibly potent that it was invented to evict his own body from the shadows of his own confusion as it was only a natural reflection of growing up. Seething from the greenery that came forth from within his lungs to the pinks and reds of his blood dripping from his saliva afterwards. It was a blooming experience of his mortality if nothing else.

It had practically left him into pieces where he was left wide open and hoping to seek his answers. To bring forth a new perspective when all he could think about were the bundles of flowers that were now invested into pressed pages of an old unused journal under his drawer of his desk.

The Virginia Creeper had eventually been swept away when morning had drifted off. Although not very far as he could never out-rightly dismiss their signs. That hadn't been his style. Nor how he could go about the rest of the day without finding a reminder within his midst. Keith had been taught to learn about his options carefully before picking one. The shift in his life had been the indicator that he would have been placid for his tomorrow, if only to find peace while he kept insisting that it would be alright.

It hadn’t been like he was becoming eccentric from the experience.

Instead, it established the norm of Keith seeing his own life twisting into puddles that were stomped on during the wettest parts of the day. It cried. Stammered without a hitch and it left Keith strangely calm about it. A hesitation breathed in when he had soaked in the sight of the open air and the faint calling of his name from the one person that often made him smile. She had that type of flare that he would never get tired of; even when his throat had been getting sore from all the flowers hurling up to the tips of his lips.

He couldn’t say what had been stuck inside his tongue. But he figured that the flowers had said it for him anyways. Keith would cling to that happiness, to that pain; because, in a way it made sense that he would drown himself into a world where it meant the universe finally made sense.

Shiro and Adam, two kids that had grown up getting to know his dad while still managing to wander into the visiting hours that the Garrison offered frequently since he had been accepted. They could be childish, proud, but most of all they had been loyal. It had been a strange sight for Keith to witness when they had presented themselves to be wise beyond their years. Almost as if he were the child and they had been his makeshift parents. (Not that he couldn’t unsee it when they were somehow able to remember how to be responsible preteens unlike how he was in his time.)

He could lose count of the many times that they had saved him by just being able to catch his misgivings. Though that didn’t discount the many times that he had been able to teach them his own talents. Both were smart and quick to pick them up. 

And time went like that. Him seeing his father’s figure dwindle and his time studying for the Garrison becoming more important. Shiro and Adam would offer their smiles and kid-like innocence here and there but Keith had known that out of the two it had been Shiro that knew how it felt to lose people from the floral scent that had been tinted by iron. From his own past, and knowing how much it gripped at both their expenses, Keith and Shiro had done with their own parts to watch over each other and Keith’s dad as his body had deteriorated since Keith could remember. 

But then he didn’t want to think too closely because then he would have to acknowledge that his father had never been free from the ripple of blood coloring his tongue and teeth. How his body grew weaker to the point that he had been placed onto a wheelchair and having Keith to help him from his bed and out. Or the fact that when the flowers made their rounds it had reminded him of the garden that his dad built in the backyard. It had been filled with the seeds of the flowers he had first shown Keith’s mom and soon the ones he saw when she had left. Sometimes when Keith had watered them (by request from his dad) he tried to think of another universe when he didn’t have to worry about the fragrance of those flowers. 

He knew that it had been half idiotic to have that kind of reaction but Keith had never pegged himself to be cold when he had to watch how much reverence his dad placed on those flowers. Especially when some of them were alien to all the books he had grabbed from the library. Their unusual colorings and shapes had been enough for him to cater to their particular needs.

That and he could never stomach another day when he almost destroyed a pair of rare buds that his dad had religiously cared for when his body allowed him. The sobs that his dad had tried to subdue before had haunted him enough to learn how to properly water and look after the garden. 

And that had brought in a strange surge to welcome Shiro and Adam to his backyard. From the stories his dad could tell, to the way they could pretend that nothing had been amiss when Shiro and Adam ran over the grass patches. Keith had been grateful in the beginning when they didn’t mind stoic silences that came at their corners. It had instead grounded a part of him when he knew that he didn’t have to be alone all the time. Not that it would give him a full time out, but it had in a sense, given him a break where he could pretend to be a normal kid that had a backyard filled with laughter. 

That had been the difference on many days when he had to pick himself up.  
  
Although what he couldn’t shake now was that shameful kind of groan that had appeared when he watched them circle in Katie, who by then wanted him to call her Pidge after they established themselves as good friends. Shiro had given a thumbs up as directly as he was able at that age while Adam had asked many questions that it should have been impossible for her to answer them without stammering too much. Later on she would say that she had plenty of practice since her brother, Matt loved to talk quickly when he worked on a hobby or experiment with her or with their dad. Either way Keith had been left alone with the sight of his two kiddie friends that he used to somewhat baby sit when he wanted the extra cash or when they barged into his home since where they lived nothing happened too much. 

In that sight where his past had wanted to collide with his present he should have seen it coming.

But when he had listened to Pidge laugh out loud and with Shiro and Adam, Keith had to admit that he wanted to keep that memory forever. Even if he had to watch out for any embarrassing stories that could sneak up since he knew that Shiro could have a devious appetite ever since he had been half raised by the movies and songs that Keith showed him before. It had been cute then. 

Now though. He had perfected how to silence that kid with his own type of blackmail material. 

He would scoop them up soon enough. He would try to tame his flushed cheeks when Pidge would tug at his sleeve and humor Shiro and Adam a little bit longer because she had mentioned how much she missed having people around that reminded her of her little brother. While Keith, he would have to calm his heart when her hands touched him as it had signaled for his lungs to ignite another round of coughs. He would have to try harder to kill that reflex as an iron aftertaste would tint his mouth. But for now he would have to remind himself that he still had time to be a kid.

If only to fulfill a promise he made to his dad and himself before he knew what it really meant to be inflicted with that curse.

The darkness encompassed his whole room, making it hard to tell how much time had passed inside his room. But from what the haze that roamed inside his skull, he could guess that the whole morning had long ago passed as time arranged itself to reflect it. Systematically, it should have been awful to have to see the imprints of an irresponsible action to sling back and take him apart, but Keith’s life had been washed over to take over when his memories were altered by his lack of sleep. The Garrison had often been a place in his life when he had thought that he finally found a space to breathe. 

But it seemed like it had been a joke now.

Not terrible. Or life-ending. But rather, it became a point where he had to take a deep breath when he felt his own pride of maintaining his senseabilities wouldn’t drastically affect him. 

It had cost him his pride. A coolness that went from the inner core of his soul as it had mimicked a chill no winter in the deserts could replicate from the deep mountains he used to hike with his father. Where it ended up with such a bittersweet tinge that had been mixed with a sip of melancholy that had always been present since he could ever recall what his emotions were. It still had been a new surprise with the coming of his downfall as her introduction into his new lifestyle basically told him that he was doomed. It had been a whole level of intensity when he found that he loved spending a lot of his time with her.

It baffled him. 

Crept into the corners of his dreams with those pink hydrangeas sprinkling when she had laughed at his poor attempts of jokes. It was pathetic to see how one person like Katie Holt could change him. How she changed the way the world worked for him. 

Yes, he knew that the hydrangea that came forth had been rather nice, with a pleasant fragrance overall, but he had wanted to not look at the crushed petals. To inhale the loneliness that his room gave off when he curled inside his blanket. Between the silence and his own thoughts, it had been a well kept secret of him wishing that somewhere he would find a way to come back to earth without feeling so drained.

It had been hard though, with how much time he had to devote on cleaning his pillow case and wiping clean his hands in the sink. (And he had been thankful that his last roommates had graduated and no one had taken up residence in his room.) The bleach that he kept under had been drying up in supplies ever since the mid-year of getting to know Pidge, that it had been a low blow for him to make up a new routine for himself as he had to check over his work when he rinsed off his palms. He couldn’t have anyone else know of the iron smell that lingered in his presence. 

And Keith definitely could not afford for the flowers to continue on growing the way they did. One day they would bloom too full, too thick that it would choke him in his sleep if the pattern stayed consistent that way. Worse, he would be faced with the bouquet at a public venue where they would see his bleeding lungs being abused by that floral disease. 

He didn’t need her to know how much she affected him. 

(Because he knew he couldn’t afford that kind of rejection from a person that came that close to figuratively hold his heart as much as she did.)

  
_“Did you ever tell her what the flowers meant?”_

_The wheelchair had halted. Keith could hear the way his dad’s rain jacket had crinkled from both his arms moving and from the rain hitting them softly. Besides the warm breath of spring filling their lungs, Keith still felt cold when he helped his dad stand._

_His dad’s hair had been getting shaggy, unkempt after all the hours he spent on the garden. Even after the many times Keith cleaned his hands, it felt like he couldn’t get rid of all the dirt from underneath his and his dad’s fingernails. They had just continued to mark them the same way the flowers were pressed onto their arms or clothes. It should have been a peaceful day, a gentle memory, but, it couldn’t when his dad spoke very slowly._

_“How could I?” She hadn't been there when they started to appear by then, had been left unsaid._

At thirteen he had built enough muscle to at least prop his dad at a new location. After long hours sitting outside when the sun poked out or when the moon came to its turn Keith hadn’t been able to stay indoors for long. Nothing like the air that nature could have taken his attention until he learned about space training. That had been when he started training himself to be inside cramped dark rooms to have to get used to spending some of his time with a whirl of computers and ACs groaning if they were from older models. The artificial taste in the air hadn’t been pleasant in the beginning. It hadn't been like he could fully escape that floral scent, not when people made poor choices when it came to their hearts.

In that simple deduction he had wasted so many hours of pressing his nose close to his jacket when he came across someone knocking at death’s door. 

It hadn’t been like he meant to be disrespectful. It just… had been a piercing vulnerability that had come into his skin. Every instance, every person that he came across had painted a vivid picture for him. His own father too when he had eventually succumbed to the disease. 

The only reasons that his dad had been able to survive that long had been the medication and physical therapy that he was able to afford. During his early days of the disease, it had been a traumatizing loop. Keith’s fuzzy memories only provided a shade of what it had been really like for an adult; but for a child, it had been a vibrant horror show if he caught his dad on a bad day. Or when he couldn’t clean out his father's pillow cases fast enough with the cleaning kit he had with him when a burst of flower petals or bouquets (when it was horrible tremors) seized his lungs and chest. Keith had slowly gotten used to having tissues ready for his dad. 

He could only say that when each year he didn’t get infected to the degree of a dangerous level he had sighed in relief. Once in awhile a cough would come. The taste of petals would heave up to his tongue, but it would never fully come out as actual petals.

He wouldn’t repeat their names. He didn’t want to think about the old chills that he used to have when his terrors had been somewhat realized when he had blushed at the sight of them. Keith had been mostly safe from that disease. A self-preservation if you could understand that, had been key. It worked most of the time that he hardly spent time to grow any real attachments to many people, in fact, he didn’t bother to make himself that exposed to fully engage with a lot of people. 

When he had been a thirteen year old, living in a semi lonely world never had carried the same meaning that he would die like the rest of them. With vines or thorns rooting deepening inside his lungs, making it harder for oxygen to seep and help; but Keith had known that if he ever slipped it could be possible. He could end up with a fate like his dad. 

Not that it hadn’t failed him yet, but of course, real life always loved to break his logic once he got his real taste.

During his time when he had to clean up the tables and having to stop the spread of weeds invading the garden he had seen the amount of times the TV collected dust. The library though, had been what kept his dad somewhat sane when he couldn't leave the house. In those hours he used to read to Keith. 

But then things changed. 

The book shelves had taken a lot of space from the living room. Each book had either been torn and annotated heavily by the overuse or from buying them second-hand. Either way, it had been noticeable that the library had been cared for just as much as the garden did outside. Their lives went like that until it reached the point when they had to shrink their place after the bills kept coming as it forced Keith to be the one to downgrade the shelves as they couldn’t afford to hold that many anymore.

Not that it stopped his dad or himself from seeking another way to entertain themselves. (The actual library for mostly his dad, and the hover bike for Keith when he got enough scraps to work and upgrade the one his parents used.)

He knew it had been hard on them. With his dad getting calls to make appointments and Keith going to school and having to find ways to become an adult faster. It had bruised them both. The flowers—the goddamn whole scene of throwing empty bottles of medicine and flowers from his dad’s room had become a whole new world once he was able to understand what had been happening to his only living parent. They couldn’t afford the operation. Nor could his dad ever hash out a deal with Keith once he had learned that Keith had the aptitude and passion to go to the Garrison.

He had always wanted Keith to be happy. Safe. And provided with a secure future. 

In the many times that they both tried to tell their sides Keith could admit that he had a temper. The same one that his dad told him was made up from both his parents. He couldn’t ever find the right words then, when he had still been getting used to the transition from being considered a kid to a somewhat adult. He did though, win the argument of getting a job once he had shown that his grades wouldn’t suffer that dramatically. The perfect ending should have included Keith being able to scrape enough cash for the operation for his dad. 

But it's like what most people say, everybody can’t have a perfect ending.

It’s just not that realistic.

He soaked in the sun again. Settling down as he wore one of his favorite casual clothes. His finger-less gloves were, as per-usual, on even when the sun roasted most of his neck and cheeks during the day. His signature red jacket too since he knew that once the sun went down it would quickly get cold. And seeing that he was going out to town he had wanted to make sure he was prepared for everything.

It made sense when he saw the round puff flowers like morning glory rolling over his pillow. He twirled a few of the buds the night before when he had been thinking about the prospect of telling someone about his situation. Usually he had preferred to work on his own problems by himself, but once in awhile Keith knew that people like Shiro and his father had often be there for him. Obviously in different manners and moments in his life, but regardless of that particular fact it had been a fact that he often came back when he saw how free and elusive his emotions were spent when he had been full of a lightness that could not be described by anything he knew before.

It had been brighter than the first morning rays of a sun, and warmer than the summer afternoons during his time at the Garrison. A liveliness that had given him deja vu of his first laughter when he had been a young toddler. This affection that came over him had overwhelmed him in the beginning. So much that Keith had almost puked by the happiness that came with it. The only thing he could compare it to was when someone ate too many sweets or too quickly with ice cream. It just engaged into his body where he had to pause and try to reconnect himself without hurting himself further. 

It hadn’t been entirely new of him to feel such a rush of affection; but it had been a new take when he had to monitor how his cheeks flushed. 

Something to an achy increase of butterflies fluttering into his stomach and flowers sputtering to his mouth to his palms.

Mistakes happen. 

Keith had often known rightfully that as he had still stumbled into the conclusions that he never wanted to outright say before they couldn’t be ignored anymore. The practicality of itself had woven in deeply. The stains had been long dried too when he sat down at the roof. The sky had gone through its transformation of its reds, pinks and oranges until it settled for the dark encompassing blue. It could have been peaceful, if he didn't have company.

He couldn’t say that he could complain about her, with her hair pulled up as usual and her eyes tearing away from the sky.

The heaving had been loud against his own ears, her body shivering as the same iron hint hit his nose. He had reached out. Made certain to pull out tissues as they were second nature when he caught the floral scent coming next to him when she calmed her breath enough to take them.

Something within that scene had clicked for him as he remembered the countless times he had to clean up after himself as well when he had to help his own father years ago. When it had been Shiro and Adam it had been surreal as it had been frightening for the first days. Although they had been younger, the only thing that had helped him when they went against that development was that they had always been strangely mature and frankly a lot more forward when it presented itself for them to confront each other.

There had been less days of them pinning, with Keith watching how the days were rigged into a tight line where he didn’t know where to go.

They had confessed. Had both commented on the bouquets that they had created. From what he could remember they had cleaned up after themselves, while laughing and coming into the terms of how easy it could be. Something that still at times, made Keith wonder why it still felt so hard for him to comment on.

Especially when now as Keith watched Pidge bend down from her side. It had been morbid. Awfully impuissant when his silence showed how exposed they really were when they were faced with that kind of declaration. With her hands desperately anchoring the flowers, as if a way to check if she were not inside a nightmare but instead, with Keith. Feeling his gaze she gave him a sad smile as if to apologize for ruining their evening.

It made it worse for him. Knowing that he had somehow made her feel so uncomfortable as she nestled her flowers closer to her chest.

"Keith," her voice was frailer than usual. "I..."

He didn't know what to say either.

Thankfully, Pidge had a way of taking control when she felt how things could go wrong if the silence maintained its distinctive reputation, without scaring him, she angled the flowers where the moonlight could accent them in a more flattering light.

"They're called astilbe." A tentative smile crept onto her, "They've kind of been annoying me for awhile as you can tell from my previous hacking session. My...um mom told me that they mean a visit of love and freedom." 

Her eyes caught his. " Kind of cheesy, I know. But...I want this to go for the record that I like being friends with you Keith, and I know that you don't care much about the whole being in love and whatnot, with good reasons. But I just...I have to tell you..."

"I like you too."

"Wait what?"

Keith gestured to her bouquet. "I like you too."

She looked at his empty hands and clean mouth. "You do?"

"Yeah." His hands twitched to his pockets where he had hidden a clump of crushed flowers inside his jacket. He pulled them out for her to see.

"Oh, that's cool."

"Oh, that's...."

"A relief?"

"No—, I mean yes! It is but, like you know, it's cool that its not one-sided."

He couldn't help but smirk and then laugh when she kept going on about how dumb they were all these months. He let her ramble on for a couple of more minutes before asking her out to an official date. Her flushed face and punch to his shoulder had been worth it when they went down from the roof (with their hands clasped together).


End file.
